England have reached the knockout stage of the World Cup.

Here’s the summary:

Dysfunctional manager decides to take just four strikers to Germany – one a teenager who has never kicked a ball in the Premiership.

He risks all on Rooney and Owen – both barely recovered from serious injuries.

England struggle to overcome soccer superpowers Paraguay and Trinidad & Tobago.

The nation spends the next five days working out how England can avoid playing Germany in the next round.

Owen suffers freak accident in the first minute against Sweden. After a fitful performance, England get a draw.

Everyone rejoices that England will be playing Ecuador in the next round.