by Bob Skinner

Did you know that in the past twelve months 1,652 graduates at fifteen British universities were engaged on research projects worth £1.5million?

And that between them they secured 132,000 column inches in newspapers and magazines, and 95 hours’ radio and television air time?

No? That’s not surprising as no-one has done the necessary research; I made up the figures.

I did so because of growing frustration at the amount of print columns and airtime given to research. Higher education establishments ranging from Oxbridge to the brash new universities born out of the old polytechnics are cashing in on the boom. And I mean cashing in; many of the research projects attract substantial funding from businesses, charities and political parties, usually to confirm the obvious or support the clients’ aims or products.

It would not be so bad if all this high brain power was concentrated on serious subjects, yielding information of tangible benefit, but sadly most of it is fly-by-night rubbish, useless information that is self evident to anyone who bothers to think.

Take the latest blockbuster research…on stress. This came up with the headline grabbing statistics that such diverse workers as firefighters and librarians have stressful jobs? Well, I never!

In just one day recently I counted six research inspired stories in The Times.

These included the suspect revelation that hairdressers are among the happiest workers, and the probably spurious revelation that after-school clubs might stunt young people’s emotional growth.

My frustration is fuelled by the time and money wasted by the researchers, and the gullibility of the media in falling for it – or their laziness in going for easy stories with eye catching headlines.

The ultimate in time and money wasting must go to the academics who, following extensive study, announced that the best way to reveal your losing numbers on lottery scratch cards was by a coin.

And what about discovering the best way to peel an orange? I think I read about that one, but if not it’s probably in the pipeline. Some of the research is aimed at disproving that earlier research, probably by another university, was wrong: the beer is good/bad for you argument.

There is danger, too, in believing statistics supplied on a plate like a ready meal. The latest that worries me is the claim that forests are a threat to our environment, emitting dangerous chemicals that could be adding to global warming.

Despite more detached comments that suggest that any harmful effects of toxin spewing forests are more than counter balanced by the fact that the value of forests has been accepted for centuries.

Which is true. Obviously, that calls for some more research.